Difficult People Attitudes Can Be Transferred

how to deal with difficult people, deal with difficult peopleTo fully understand the underlying dynamics of being a difficult person, it is necessary to know that some attitudes may be transferred, and any such transfer may result in a change of attitude – for better or worse. It is a law of nature. Good cells always produce better, healthier cells. Bad cells produce worse cells, and worse cells produce dead cells later. A good tree produces good fruits, and a bad tree produces bad crops.

Now, by putting the pressure reversal to work, the vicious cycle can be interrupted and can produce the exact opposite. A good attitude can spring up from a bad attitude if the bearer simply makes a decision to be different and works it out. A bad tree may be treated with reversal treatments like grafting and spraying to make it bear good fruits.

A difficult person is difficult probably because he got it from someone close to him. A difficult father may inadvertently transfer his personality to a child who either idolizes or abhors him. A professor may transfer his attitude to his students. You may acquire the characteristics of your friends.

Hero-worship Transfer

When a successful person is a difficult person, those who idolize him and follow in his footsteps may also turn out to be difficult individuals too. They will see that a factor in his success is his manner of dealing with people. People always attribute their success partly to management skills. And to others, “management skills” is the style of talking to and treating people; or worse, putting pressure on people for them to work harder.

Likewise, a person who ends up in tragedy may appear “successful” to others as a hero because he personifies the cause they are fighting for. For example, a janitor, while trying to save his boss, dies in a fire. He may be idolized by his sons who would also become janitors loyal to their bosses.

It is good to emulate really good heroes; but even difficult people can appear “heroes” to some people, and thus people imitate their attitude. Dictators have always left behind ardent followers who often become even more ruthless dictators.

Abhorrence transfer

World history is replete with people who deposed dictators only to become worse dictators themselves later. There are two reasons for the transfer of this attitude:

1. Revenge

Some people who suffered from difficult people tend to repeat everything to their subordinates or to the next generation. Here works the Principle of Substitution. The absence of the object of vengeance (say, if the person for whom vengeance is intended is already dead), or when the avenger is powerless to execute retribution, he takes on instead those under him who are more powerless than him. Those under him become substitutes for the real object of vengeance. Hence, the child who suffers from his difficult father might release his frustration on his younger brother, and the younger brother might take on his pet dog.

2. Holding on to power

A sales manager who hates his difficult sales director desperately holding on to power, might someday make it as director. He begins to love the position so much that he begins to understand the attitude of his ex-director and be as difficult (or worse than) his predecessor. He starts out as a victim of a difficult person and he hates it, only to become a worse copy because of greed for power.


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