Developing The Power to Handle Difficult People II

The Power to Handle Difficult PeopleWillpower to Change

It is now obvious that the willpower to deal with difficult people becomes realistic only if you have the willpower to change. Yes, the first person to change is YOU before any difficult person can be dealt with. If you cannot or will not change, it only means you are also a difficult person, and as the old adage goes, the blind cannot lead the blind. They will both fall into a pit. And if you settle for being a difficult person, though mildly at that (mildly or otherwise, a difficult person is still difficult), think of the people who will suffer because of you, among them your family.

And it’s unthinkable that a difficult person can help another difficult person. They won’t be able to stand each other, remember? And you can’t avoid difficult people. So, the best option is to learn how to deal with them. The first step is to make sure you are not a difficult person yourself.

If you’re not currently doing the “7 steps to developing willpower to deal with difficult people”, you need to change your attitude. These pointers will help you identify and eliminate bad attitudes to ensure you are not becoming a difficult person yourself:

Respect people always

Be aware that people, young and old, are entitled to their rights, beliefs, and opinions. Without being vocal about it, don’t consider yourself to be better than others. This will get rid of self-conceit which is the root of disrespect and being inconsiderate. Respect authorities in their jurisdictions, whether in the office, school, malls, public buses, homes, or lands. Be aware that you cannot impose your own standards and you have to adjust to their policies.

Don’t compare yourself with others aloud

You may do so in your mind, but never actually say it. Different people mostly do things differently and you must not feel superior with your methods and style. Likewise, do not compare people with other people verbally. We have tendencies to compare people, but keep it to yourself.

Follow a schedule but don’t be too rigid with it

If you are an employer or supervisor, you will surely have work schedules and deadlines for your employees or subordinates. But don’t be too harsh on the implementation. Remember that we are only humans – even machines and computers fail. People err, get tired or sick, and at times get burned out. They need encouragement. Give them workloads equal to what you pay them. Be kind to them. If you are in business, don’t get too absorbed in hitting goals or quotas. There will always be tomorrow, and tomorrow will yield better results. Learn to let go of things that pressure you. Drop everything and go out for a while. Meditate. Look at your surroundings and enjoy them. Smile at people. There’s more to life than just doing your business or anything else that keeps you stressed out.

Enjoy what you are doing, and make sure those working with you also feel the same way

Work must support life, and not the other way around. When work becomes a burden, life merely supports work, and that will be painful for everyone involved. Then, sooner or later, everyone affected becomes a difficult person. Every job must become an adventure where every turn makes you excited to go further.

Never assume to know everything

Even if you do, always consider what others have to say, even if you’re a boss. Accept the fact that there are always going to be things you are utterly ignorant of, no matter how smart you think you are. If, in a meeting among peers, you are knowledgeable about a topic and they are not, it is safer to wait to be asked for your opinion. It is also good to politely offer your opinion, but do so more on a note of sharing rather than lecturing, unless you are a lecturer in the said meeting.

Never give unsolicited advice

Don’t give pieces of your “good” advice to people who don’t ask for them, more so to people who don’t look like they need them. Unless you are closely related to such people, or you are asked for your advice, keep your suggestions to yourself. You may need them more than anyone else does.

Learn to admit fault and apologize

It’s not important anymore to determine who is right and who is wrong. When you see that you have hurt a person, whether you are on the right or wrong side, admit your fault and apologize. Admitting your fault does not always mean you are wrong. It may mean you said the right thing at the wrong time in the wrong place. And that’s your fault. It’s definitely your fault when you come into a funeral wake and tell the bereaved that the dead man was a crook and a liar (difficult people can do this). You may be right, but your rightness will hurt the feelings of the aggrieved family, and that’s your fault. But it’s different when the truth needs to be revealed in the name of justice. If you have to testify in court that the dead man was a crook and a liar, though it may hurt the relatives of the deceased, you must say so without hesitation.

Love must override rules and regulations

True leaders love their followers and always seek after their welfare. They do not just put things in order. Many administrators and managers merely want order and to see to it that rules and policies are obeyed. This makes many of them difficult people. Rules and policies are good, but they seldom benefit anybody except maybe the ones who made them. Don’t decide on matters in a way that negates the personal choices of other people, like in choosing a lifetime partner, a career, or things to buy. Guide them but never dictate to them.

Don’t be unreasonable

Make sure your instructions and requirements are within the reach and capacity of other people. You may be able to do certain things other people can’t, and you have to consider this. Remember that you yourself also have limited potentials in some areas.

Never humiliate people

Don’t shout at people, or scold them, or curse them, especially in front of other people. It’s normal to be angry at times when there is a valid reason. But be careful not to turn anger into hatred. Anger lasting for more than an hour is a potential hatred. Once hatred sets in, a difficult person is born within you; and you may soon find humiliating a person as a normal, or even delightful, activity.

Nurture a sense of humor

This is very important. It will keep your sanity intact amid the fiercest pressure attacks. Humor keeps your LOT very high, not to mention a healthy heart and lasting youth. It keeps everything light and easy, even in the worst scenario. Always find something funny in whatever is happening. As the old adage goes, laughter is the best medicine. A sense of humor can change people and alter tight situations.

Watch your health and diet

It’s hard to control your anger when you’re sick, especially with hypertension or heart ailments. So eat healthy foods, especially those high in fiber. Avoid too many fatty and salty foods, unhealthy drinks, junk foods, and those high in cholesterol. Take natural food supplements high in micro-nutrients, and exercise regularly. Try to maintain your ideal weight. Your LOT can cope better with pressures if your health doesn’t get in the way. Get enough sleep to get ready for tomorrow’s new pressures.

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