Dealing With Grief And Disappointment

five stages of griefEmbarrassed with your grief? Don’t be because grief is a very important process to go through before you can heal properly. Grief is a natural emotional response that occurs when we lose someone or something.

Unless you are a Vulcan like Mr Spock for whom logic is above emotion you are entitled to take your time to grieve. There are quite a lot of situations that can incite grief. Events such as the loss of a job, divorce, failing a test, missing out on a promotion, being mistreated by someone, moving far away from family, the death of someone you love and the list goes on and on.

No matter what it is, disappointment and losses are part of life and unfortunately nobody gave us a manual perfectly suitable for the unique “ME” on how to manage the psychological and emotional bit of us.

Each of us is a unique individual and as so we grieve differently in the “how” and “how long”. The most important thing you should understand is, don’t try to repress it because it will come back to you in its full force later on. Take your time cry and mourn but don’t be stuck. Instead learn from the experience and grow.

Why do some people take a knock-back from life and rise up again, while others sink into negative feelings? The answer is one word rarely used in everyday life, but essential for a happy life: resilience. This is the name given to the capacity to overcome obstacles and let them renovate you, coming out even stronger in the situation.

The term resilience has been adopted to describe those who adapt easily to change, take responsibility and face it with good attitude and energy.

What makes us resilient?

What leads people to cope with the grief with hope and come out of a painful situation – the death of a loved one or loss of a job – is the maturity gained through suffering. The resilient get stronger after each fight.

The good news it everyone can train to achieve resilience – by taking the following actions:

1. Composure

The secret lies in emotional balance. Being able to manage the emotions in an unexpected situation is a sign of maturity. The worse the situation, the greater the need to have a calm mind to make the right decision – a disturbed head does not solve problems.

What to do:

Before proceeding, take a deep breath to balance the heartbeat and calm down. Psychologists explain that this brief pause prevents the immediate reaction, possibly disastrous, giving time to see what to do being rational.

2. Flexibility

Things do not always go as you want, but who is flexible in the face of unforeseen reacts better and find alternative exits, sometimes even better than planned.

What to do:

Have a plan B. Imagine other paths to your goal. If one way did not work, have detachment and evaluate the good side of something new, in other words the unexpected.

3. Mood

Optimism soothes stress and helps you approach problems in a practical and positive, transforming grief into hope.

What to do:

To be in a good mood doesn’t mean you have to laugh all day, but keep an optimistic attitude, which can be developed to assume the role of the observer. Look at the situation as if you were not part of it: you have lightness and find new options.

4. Sociability

Studies by the American psychiatrist Steven Wolin revealed that: 35% of children with a history of abuse, starvation or hard lives that were able to overcome their hardship, were the ones easier to relate. We have to create bonds with those who give us strength and security.

What to do:

Cultivate your relationships. The secret is to show interest, be present and useful. What about using Facebook to remember your friends’ birthday?

Check this book “The Resilient Self


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